By Leah Cox
David Viscott, the author of The Language of Feelings, says, “To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.” While I have yet to experience that sunny romantic feeling with a partner, I can only imagine how warm and exhilarating—even liberating—it must feel.
When humans love something or someone, they like to show it off. Public displays of affection are quite common if you pay attention to your surroundings. You know what I’m talking about: holding hands, hugging, kissing, touching, and/or cuddling. But if you don’t know what I’m talking about, think of a time when you felt suddenly squeamish in the presence of a couple. While single people may feel yucky at the sight of public affection, it’s hard to deny that being in the presence of true love is undeniably beautiful. I mean what else–other than complete affection–would cause two people to kiss like Allie and Noah in the Notebook (minus the torrential downpour and adding the stares of 20 other people)?
In the era we live in today, and have lived in for decades, same-sex and interracial couples have become more prevalent and visible, but they can still be demonized solely for daring to exist together in the name of love. So in honor of Valentine’s Day, I want to share stories and myths from history when love, despite the odds, was embraced.
Our first story comes to us from Ancient Rome and features Alexander the Great and Hephaestion. According to the Advocate, the famed king of Macedon, Alexander III, likely maintained a same-sex relationship with his general, Hephaestion. This matter is the subject of scholarly debate, but at the very least, “the two men shared a connection far greater than Alexander had with any other officer.” In his writings, Aristotle, the Greek philosopher, described Alexander III and Hephaestion as “one soul abiding in two bodies.”
Next, Gonzalo Guerrero and Zazil Ha. In 1511, Guerrero, a Spanish sailor, was involved in a shipwreck on the coast of the Yucatan Peninsula. When the Mayan militia found the shipwreck, they apprehended him and held him captive. According to PBS, Guerrero, not wanting to be killed, learned the language and customs of his captors, and over time gained acceptance into the Mayan culture. He used his knowledge of Spanish combat tactics to help the Maya drive out the conquistadors. Guerrero became a respected figure in Mayan society, and soon married a princess named Zazil Ha. When Hernan Cortez arrived at the temples of Ichpaatun, where the married couple resided, he tried to retrieve Guerrero. However, he refused to leave, saying, “I am married and have three children, and they look on me as a cacique [“lord”] here, and captain in time of war. My face is tattooed and my ears are pierced. What would the Spaniards say if they saw me like this? Go, and God’s blessing be with you.”
During the Ming dynasty of China, from the 14th and 17th centuries, there is sparse historical evidence of same-sex female relationships. While I was unable to find any specific stories, I did find from multiple sources citing that in the province of Guangdong, binding contracts between women were known. Many of these contracts even ended in elaborate marriage ceremonies!
Next, I’ll take you to 1958, when two lovers, Mildred Delores Jeter, an African-American woman, and Richard Perry Loving, a white man, wed. Mildred and Richard met in Central Point, Virginia when they were 11 and 17, respectively. Richard was a family friend of her brothers, so they saw each other often from time to time. Years later, when she was in high school, they began dating. They decided to marry in June 1958 in Washington, D.C. They chose to marry elsewhere because interracial marriage was banned in Virginia by the Racial Integrity Act of 1924. Before her death, Mildred stated that when they married, she had no knowledge of this law—she didn’t know her love was illegal. As for Richard, Mildred admitted that she thinks he did know of the law. Perhaps, Richard was determined not to let anything get in the way of his love for Mildred.
When they returned home to Central Point after exchanging their vows, they were arrested by a county sheriff who had received an anonymous tip about their relationship. The charge? “Cohabiting as man and wife, against the peace and dignity of the Commonwealth.”
Given a sentencing ultimatum, the Lovings moved to Washington, D.C., but nevertheless missed their country town. Beginning in 1964 the couple began a series of legal battles with the Virginia courts, eventually reaching the Supreme Court. On behalf of Richard Loving, the couple’s lawyer conveyed a message to the court: “[T]ell the Court I love my wife, and it is just unfair that I can’t live with her in Virginia.”
On June 12, 1967, the Court ruled in favor of the Lovings, and interracial marriage was ruled federally legal.
Most recently, on June 26, 2015, the Supreme Court ruled in Obergefell v. Hodges that under the 14th Amendment, States are required to license a marriage between two people of the same sex and to recognize marriage between two people of the same sex when their marriage was lawfully licensed and performed out-of-state.
But while you might be familiar with the case, you probably don’t know the love stories behind it. That’s right…stories! The full title of the case is actually James Obergefell, et al., Petitioners v. Richard Hodges, Director, Ohio Department of Health et. al. The “et. al,” means that more than one petitioner was involved in the case. I’ll tell you two of the four petitioner stories.
April DeBoer and Jayne Rowse of Michigan. They held a commitment ceremony in February 2007, and are parents to three children who they had to adopt separately. At the time, Michigan state law allowed adoption only by single people or married couples. Like all of the other states in this case, Michigan law defined marriage as being between a man and a woman. Consequently, DeBoer and Rowse filed a lawsuit in the US District Court for the Eastern District of Michigan. They alleged that Michigan’s adoption law was unconstitutional.
James “Jim” Obergefell and John Arthur of Ohio. The two decided to marry on July 11, 2013, in Maryland, in hopes to obtain legal recognition of their relationship. Within a few days, they came to learn that their state of residence, Ohio, would not recognize the marriage license since it came from a different state. Within just eight days, the couple took action. Obergefell and Arthur filed a lawsuit against the US District Court for the Southern District of Ohio. They alleged that the state discriminated against same-sex couples who have married lawfully out-of-state.
I don’t know about you but in all of these stories—from the myth about the same-sex relationship between Alexander the Great III and Hephaestion to the interracial marriage between Mildred and Richard Loving, there is just something so beautiful about showing openly what it means to be proud of true love and/or affection, even if that pride is met with disapproval.
While it may be hard, it seems that in all the stories I shared with you today, love conquers all. The sex of the partners? It doesn’t matter. The race of the partners? It still doesn’t matter. Love is love, and we all deserve to feel the sun from both sides on our faces. We all should be able to put our love on display. That was the case in the time period of Ancient Rome…and it is the case today.
