By Mr. Newman
At a pivotal moment early in the 1987 teen romantic comedy “Can’t Buy Me Love,” Ronald Miller (played by a young Patrick Dempsey many years before he became “McDreamy” on Grey’s Anatomy) stands in a shop at the mall, ready to purchase a $1000 telescope he has been saving up for by mowing lawns all summer.
But then…
Across the mall from him, he sees Cindy Mancini, one of the most popular girls in his school, desperately trying to exchange an outfit that she (secretly) borrowed from her mother and that got stained at a high school party.
Ronald stares at the cash, at the telescope, and at Cindy. The music builds. And he runs over to Cindy to make her the following proposal: I’ll pay $1000 to buy your mom a new outfit if you agree to date me so that I can be popular. While she’s perplexed, she accepts his proposal, and what starts as a cynical (and pretty bizarre) transaction becomes, well, if you know anything about romantic comedies, you know what it becomes.
So why do I bring up this eighties gem?
Well, Ronald gives up the opportunity to glimpse the wonders of the cosmos with a fancy telescope, so he can experience the wonders of dating a pretty girl. According to a current TikTok meme that Taylor Johnson informed me about, this would make Ronald a man who yearns.
I wondered about the priorities of Lovett students when it comes to dating in high school. Was it a universal goal to discover what it’s like to go out with someone?
In other words, do Lovett students, in general, yearn?
Or would most Lovett students be just as happy with their version of a telescope, and, for now at least, leave Cindy Mancini to fend for herself?
Well, to start with some data, according to our survey, when we asked students how important it was for them to date someone in high school, with 1 being “Not important at all” and 5 being “Very important,” the responses basically formed a bell curve, with 27 percent choosing 1 or 2, 31.6 percent putting their answer right in the middle, and 39 percent choosing 4 or 5.
One way to look at those numbers is that students would, overall, like to test out the romantic waters before graduating. But one could also say that about half of Lovett students are somewhere between actively uninterested and indifferent.
I figured I’d poke around beneath the statistics by talking to some students about their thoughts on dating. I chatted with a few seniors and a few freshmen.
First, here’s the status update for each (Note: I’ll be referring to the students by their grade and a letter that does not correspond to their first name.)
Senior A: Dating someone.
Senior B: Not dating. Haven’t dated yet.
Senior C: Dating someone.
Freshman D: “Talking” with someone.
Freshmen E, F, G: Not dating. Haven’t dated yet.
Regardless of their status, all of them said dating was not a major priority for them when they came into high school. And for the ones who are dating now, that shift in priorities really only happened when the opportunity suddenly or finally presented itself.
For example, until this year senior A was focusing on school and baseball. Then, about a month ago, things became official with someone he’d been unofficial with on and off for some time. “Third time’s the charm,” he said.
But nearly all of them put family, friends, and school at the top of their priority lists. Freshman D mentioned wanting to have a strong relationship with God as well as success in school and on the lacrosse field. Senior B tossed college applications onto her pile of priorities.
That doesn’t mean these students don’t think about romance at all.
“I think it’s fun,” freshman D said, “and I like people along the way.” But she doesn’t think it’s a necessary thing. “You don’t have to be dating someone. It’s just like if you want to.”
Senior C said she was weirdly obsessed with the idea of dating her freshman year, but that cooled off sophomore year. Then junior year, a shared sports activity “magically” led to a relationship.
Freshmen E, F, and G all acknowledged the impact a crush can have on one’s ability to focus on other priorities. “If you like someone, I think it revolves around your head way more,” freshman G said.
As seemingly indifferent as a good number of these students seemed to be, they all feel Lovett has a pretty robust dating culture.
“I feel like there’s some people that I know are definitely dating,” freshman E said, “but there’s some that are just…”
“Talking,” freshman G finished.
Freshman F also believes it’s more of a talking culture: “Texting, getting to know people, then actually becoming official.”
The seniors factored in the element of time running out. “People want to at least know what it’s like to date at some point in their high school,” senior A said.
“People are being like, whoa, we don’t have that much time left, and just yolo-ing, I guess,” senior C said.
The freshmen, who have many more years ahead of them, were mixed on whether they would be disappointed if they reached the end of high school and had never dated.
Freshman G and F said they would have some concerns. “I’d be so depressed,” freshman G said. Freshman F agreed. “I think I’d be like, what the heck, what am I doing wrong?” she said.
And yet, while they felt that it would be worthwhile to get some dating experience before college, as freshman E put it, “It would be great if I did, but at the same time, it’s not something that’s just weighing on me where I need a boyfriend.”
Even the seniors could be fatalistic about it. Senior B doesn’t think anybody is “really out hunting for it.” Instead, she thinks that if it happens “they’re like, okay, this works.”
I asked Senior A, who is dating someone, how he would have felt if fate hadn’t brought that romantic opportunity. “I don’t necessarily think I would’ve missed out,” he said. “But I mean, I’m happy I didn’t miss out.”
Once a student does become involved in a relationship, it can be a challenge sometimes to balance it with other priorities that may have been at the top of their list for most of their lives.
“I feel like after you’ve been dating for a certain amount of time, then there just is a certain amount you have to hang out,” Senior C said. “You have to make sure that you’re giving. It gets hard, I guess, at a point. It’s balancing time with your friends and then your boyfriend in a way. Because I always want to make sure that I’m not just ditching my friends all the time. Some people will just get a boyfriend and go off and it’s like, that’s their only friend.”
Finally, I asked them how they would handle the “Can’t Buy Me Love” dilemma. I figured it could be a good litmus test for how much they yearn.
Senior B said she would have spent the $1000 on clothes for herself.
Senior C said she wouldn’t spend that much money on someone else. “The guy should be the one giving up the money for me,” she laughed. “That’s how it should be. Roles reversed.”
And freshman F had a problem with the basic premise of the movie. Setting aside the ethically problematic nature of renting someone to become popular, she just thinks that relationships should be grounded in a genuine connection. “I would rather develop that by myself than force it,” she said.
Still, she can get inspired by storybook romances. When she watches them she thinks, “Oh, I wish I had that. Like, oh, that’s so cute. I want that. But I also think some of it’s like…”
”Unrealistic,” freshman E finished.
Similarly, freshman D said that while she loves the eighties romances, the stories they tell don’t happen. “I love ‘Can’t Buy Me Love,’” she said. “But that doesn’t relate to what we’re talking about.”
I laughed when she said that. I hadn’t yet told her the inspiration for this article was that movie.
It was good to know that young people were still finding it. I remember watching it as a teenager back in the eighties. I’m pretty sure when Ronald and Cindy rode off into the sunset on his lawnmower, I rewound the videotape and watched it through again.
Let’s just say I was a young man who yearned. Yes, I enjoyed hanging out with friends. I wanted to do well in school. And I enjoyed playing tennis and acting in the school plays.
BUT if I was filling out this year’s Valentine’s Day survey when I was in high school, I likely would have clicked “5” when asked how important it was for me to date, let’s say, Sarah Ketchum. In twelfth grade, it finally happened. To paraphrase senior A, the fourth year was the charm.
Yet, perhaps you’re more like senior B, who is open to it, but also not out looking for it.
“I’m indifferent,” she said, with equanimity.
So then she wouldn’t describe herself as a woman who yearns?
“Not at all,” she said.
