By Malaya Madison
When teenagers are in love, relationships can feel much more intense and emotional because of natural hormones and because many of us are experiencing love for the very first time.
And there are many other challenges teenagers face in relationships, like not being able to drive, attending different schools, having strict parents, and not having funds.
Out of 124 survey respondents to the Valentine’s Day survey, 25% of Lovett students are in a relationship (ranging from brand-new to over a year old), and maintaining it is harder than it seems.
One of the biggest challenges is attending different schools.
Different schools can foster more yearning because you see each other less, but they can also cause trouble. When students were asked about obstacles to high school relationships, 44% of respondents said that different schools can heavily impact them.
For example, my friend’s boyfriend goes to Westminster, which is right down the street, and she hasn’t seen him in three weeks (which is crazy, since they’re only 6 minutes apart from each other every day). This just shows that even when schools are closed, busy schedules make hangouts rare.
Many couples have issues with different schools because, as high school students, our lives are centered around schoolwork, sports, and the people we go to school with.
“I feel like the point of a teenage relationship is to date someone inside of school,” freshman Luca Nelson shared, “so you can be cute and talk throughout the day.”
Being at different schools requires a lot of coordination, which wouldn’t be necessary if the couple went to the same school.
If you think different schools are hard, imagine being in completely different states as a teenager.
Junior Copeland Stukes is experiencing extreme long-distance because his girlfriend lives in Panama City Beach.
Stukes makes the drive to Florida about once a month to visit, or sometimes they switch it up, and she comes to Atlanta, but he says, “That is not enough.”
Small check-ins and continuous calling can help to “keep the flame alive.”
His girlfriend is attending Emory College next year, which Stukes is “really excited about because they will be closer to hang out.”
Coordination also takes a toll if the couple cannot drive. 41% of respondents think that not being able to drive is one of the toughest obstacles a couple can face. It limits spontaneous meet-ups and makes you dependent on your parents for hangouts.
It also makes it hard when one partner can drive and the other cannot, due to an imbalance in responsibility and money. “My girlfriend doesn’t have a car, and I always have to drive to her, and it costs a lot for gas,” one respondent shared.
This is especially tricky for freshmen. “We have to depend on other people’s schedules most of the time, which determines if we can hang out,” freshman Scottie Turner shared.
Senior Vade Stedman started dating fellow senior Emerson Courage last year, so driving wasn’t an issue for them, but time was.
Schedules can play a big role in high school relationships. Sports, clubs, and school events can draw couples together but also draw couples apart.
He said they try to “find time for us, even if it’s something quick,” Senior Vane Stedman shared.
Stedman also said that family dynamics can definitely impact a relationship when trying to find a balance.
Stedman said that his family is more “fend for yourself,” when it comes to meals, while Emerson’s is more about shared dinners. He said right now they are “working on not going out every night or not eating out.”
Balancing school and extracurriculars is already challenging. When you add a relationship, it makes balancing more difficult, as a teenager is also learning time management.
Sports can be a major focus due to practice and games. When asked about how sports affected her relationship, freshman Diarra LaBarrie stated, “Basketball gets in the way of hanging out a lot, but we do get to see each other because we both play it.”
While parents can sometimes be helpful with a ride, they can also be very strict and think their kids should focus only on what’s most important to them. 48% of survey respondents cited strict parents as a key obstacle to romance. Of course, strict parents can heavily influence many aspects of our lives every day.)
When the parents are dictating the relationship, it makes it feel as if you aren’t truly finding a connection with somebody; more importantly, your parent is forcing the connection to be how they want it to be, whether it’s stronger, weaker, or nonexistent.
It’s also hard to be young and in love, because we often don’t have much in our bank accounts to fund our big romantic dreams. 33% of respondents said that lack of funds played a big part in their relationship. There can be a lot of pressure, especially around holidays, for expensive gifts and dates. Most teenagers have a lot on their plates, so having a job doesn’t really fit in, which means they rely heavily on their parents not only for rides but also for money to spend on their partners.
For the above reasons, and many others, including the reality that most teenagers don’t spend the rest of their lives with their high school sweethearts, falling in love in high school probably means it’s going to be bumpy and is good practice for future long-term relationships. You know, when you can drive and when you have some money in the bank.
That doesn’t mean there won’t be some of the same obstacles in terms of finances or location, or even the approval of your parents.
And that also doesn’t mean that there aren’t some high school sweethearts who managed to make it through to the other side.
I met with Lovett alum Aaron Schunk, and his wife, Meredith (Bond) Schunk, both Lovett Class of 2016. She is currently in school to become a nurse practitioner. They have been together since 9th grade. (You can learn more about their relationship here.)
Their biggest challenge in high school was extracurriculars: Aaron played baseball, and Meredith played soccer.
The couple shared that even now, the challenges they faced in high school are mostly the same. “The fact that he’s still playing baseball just kind of makes it still seem kind of similar,” Meredith shared. “And I’m in school right now, so it’s almost like we’re back to square one.”
