By The OnLion Staff
You put your romance questions on our survey. Here are our answers. Keep in mind that we do not have any expertise or licenses. We are writing with the intention to, um, entertain. If you find anything useful or profound, good on you!
My boyfriend is absolutely addicted to geoguesser, should I have an intervention?
Interventions can be a good idea. However, Geoguesser is a great way to work on beating the stereotype that Americans don’t know geography. Additionally, if he gets really good, this could benefit you. In fact, Geography is an important category in Jeopardy. If he gets so good, sign him up. If he wins Jeopardy, ask for some of the prize money (typically around $20,000 per show) because you signed him up. I am usually a big fan of interventions, however I don’t think it’s necessary in this case.
How do you talk to someone on social media without being weird or creepy?
Starting a relationship online is definitely challenging. You don’t know the person so you don’t know how they would respond or interpret certain texts and this tends to lead to a lot of overthinking. However, there are many ways to go about this without coming off as “weird” or “creepy.” First, you never want to come off as too strong and just jump into a conversation out of the blue. For example, if you receive a snap from someone and it is just their average snap picture don’t go and text them that you like the way their hair is done or ask why they were outside in the picture. If you do that, you are blowing your cover and showing how much you look at their snap, and it can definitely come off as creepy. Personally, the simple “What are you up to?” text will always suffice. In addition, if you have a class with someone, starting a conversation about the class is always a great technique as it is not completely out of the blue and is something y’all can relate to. Finally, you want to be “chill” over text and give each text some time before you respond. Oh, and never use emojis, they tend to send creepy messages.
What should you do if you don’t have any classes with them?
This can be challenging, but there is a solution to this. First, find all their social media pages and follow requests/add them, but don’t make it obvious; space it out because you don’t want to be creepy. If they don’t answer, then you may want to give up, but if they do then start to make a move.
How can I get my chopped friend a super hot girlfriend?
If they are on something like the football team, that increases their chances. For example, if they’re starting QB, they’ll probably bag or at least be able to get a hot girlfriend. Although it’s somewhat shallow, it’s also true. Or suggest they date someone in a grade lower than them (unless they’re a ninth grader). There are quite a few of those relationships here at Lovett. However, the best advice is for them to integrate themselves into a social group with the girl. Almost every relationship that is in the same grade is in the same social group.
Does he want me if we make eye contact?
There are multiple ways to answer this question depending on the person. According to Mylee Dubin, “in my world it does, but I’m also delulu.” On the other hand, Lyla Nelson says, “No, he does not want you, but he may think that you are pretty.” I think that it is hard to say that simple eye contact could mean that the guy wants you because I think it depends on whether you have talked to them a lot in person. Say he comes up to you in person to talk to you after making eye contact for a while. Then I would say that Mylee would not be delulu in that situation. But if it is just some eye contact here and there then I do not think that the guy wants you.
How can a third party tell if someone is already in a relationship without actually asking them?
There are multiple ways to go about finding the answer to this. First, you have to do some intense internet stalking. Go to their instagram and look at all their posts. If there are some photos where they are standing extremely close to someone else and it practically looks like they are getting married, definitely assume that is their bae. If they are tagged you can even go stalk their page to verify. (If they are not tagged, this is a longer process where you have to go through their followers and try to find that individual.) Now, if you go to their instagram and you see no photos where they are with another individual, you still may not be safe. You have got to check the comments. Heart comments, excessive commenting, or inside jokes could possibly be indicators that the commenter is their bae. Now this other way is a little more bold. If you have access to your crush and are able to speak to them, sometimes you just have to assume they have a bae and say something like “Are you seeing your girlfriend or boyfriend (depending on the situation) this weekend?” They will probably be like “What? I don’t have.” They might even ask why you thought that and just hit them with the “Oops sorry, I guess I was thinking of someone else.” Another way is learning from the grapevine. Sometimes you just have to ask around. But make sure you are asking people not directly in relationship to your bae so if they find out someone was asking about their relationship status, your identity could be hidden. Otherwise, the only other option is to just YOLO and be like “You got a bae?”
How do I make them start talking to me?
The only answer I truly have for this is what I call “plotting.” Plotting is when you tell everyone you know that you are plotting on that person. (Make sure not to be too creepy or plot too much because at Lovett it will most likely get back to them). But honestly, that is part of the plotting plan. This could be a good thing or could backfire so you kind of have to take a risk. When it inevitably gets back to them by the Lovett gossip, they will either give you a chance and add you on snap or be freaked out when you refer to them as your “husband” to your friends when you have never spoken to him before. A CRUCIAL step to “plotting” is to also make sure they do not have a girlfriend or situationship because if their significant other finds out you’re plotting on their man, you will have an entire friend group out for you. Overall, it is a bit of a gamble, but it may be worth the risk to pull the man you have never spoken to before.
How do you get someone out of your league?
OK. When I first read the question I briefly wondered if they meant, How do I take someone who is in my social group and push them out of it? And that didn’t seem like a very nice thing to want to be able to do. Of course, if that IS what they want to do, then one method might be to stage some kind of situation where this “someone” might embarrass themselves publicly and then be rejected by their friends. BUT, I have to assume that what this person meant with their question is: How do I get someone to DATE me who is out of my league? And presumably, they meant ABOVE them in the social hierarchy? Then again, I’ve seen movies where a cooler person in high school falls for someone who is “lower” than them in the social hierarchy and tries to hide it. Or there’s the Stephen King book Carrie where the girlfriend of a cool kid convinces her boyfriend to take the very uncool Carrie to the prom and he actually falls for her but then she’s drenched in pig’s blood and gets very, very angry with the student body. But if this person wants to date someone above them, they might consider going the Can’t Buy Me Love route (a big theme in this year’s V-Day issue) and offer to rent them for a few weeks with the hope that they’ll fall in love. If they’d rather not take that path, they might try to develop a talent or skill that will get them lifted up to the social status of the person they like. Or perhaps by showing how funny they are, or how kind, or charming, they might just win the heart of this person and make them see through the emptiness of the whole notion of leagues.
