By Zoe Robinson and OnLion Staff
If you read the heartbreakingly earnest and genuine questions students asked on the Valentine’s Survey about love and relationships, you’d know that love in high school is not easy or simple. Sometimes it’s even a little ridiculous. Actually, that may not just be in high school. That’s why we all need advice on how to handle it amid the chaos and hormones on the Riverbank and beyond.
Now, getting advice from your parents or even teachers can sometimes be a bit hard. While their advice may be solid, it’s often challenging to listen to it because it feels like they’re disconnected from the high school experience. Or they’re being judgy. Or patronizing. That’s why we went searching for the best advice givers that Lovett had to offer: a young teacher, a sophomore couple who’ve been together for over a year, and we, the staff of the OnLion.
Before we get to your questions, we decided to introduce a new voice to advise the school: my English teacher, Ms. Parker.
Ms. Parker is only 27 years old, so her high school years aren’t too far behind her. She also had a lot of experience with love in high school and even dated her boyfriend from the time she was a 16-year-old sophomore to the time she was a 23-year-old college graduate.
When I asked her what she wished she had known about love in high school she told me that, “it’s not that serious… you’re gonna be okay regardless.” She advised me not to take everything in a high school relationship “so seriously” and to know that relationships aren’t as complicated as they may seem.
She also advised me not to fall into the trap of believing every relationship myth or “hack” I may see on TikTok.
In her adult life, one of the most important lessons in love she’s learned is to “attract and not chase.” She reminded me of what she said earlier about keeping things in relationships simple. Freaking out over whether or not someone likes you and then “chasing” after them is never going to work and is always going to be exhausting. However, she reminded me that if you’re confident in yourself, it’ll show, and be much more attractive to whoever you’re interested in.
A lot of these things are really hard to do when you’re feeling the big feelings and think you should chase after someone because maybe it will work and maybe this person is the one!. Ms. Parker has definitely noticed that a lot of students seem to feel that way, and are “making dating way too serious.”
Speaking of serious relationships, I checked in with Jackson Schmidt and Katy Scott to advise us on how to make a high school relationship work.
The two sophomores agreed that trying to date in high school is hard, saying that there’s a lot of “judgment” and that friends don’t really understand your relationship.
As far as their advice for fellow couples goes, they want to remind everyone that forgiveness and communication are essential to developing a healthy relationship. “It’s also communication and it lays down a good base for what your relationship is gonna be like when you’re older,” Jackson said, “And when someone is mad, try not to be mad for too long.”
A good example of this philosophy in their relationship happened last year. Jackson and Katy had gotten into a fight while she was away on vacation. Feeling bad and wanting to make up for it, Jackson made sure when she got back from the airport that flowers and Starbucks were waiting on her doorstep.
And now we present the totally unqualified advice from the OnLion staff. None of the advice givers are currently dating and yet all have opinions to offer.
Is the olive theory real?
Yes. Sometimes finding a polar opposite is the perfect option. Hot take: Opposites do attract. Having someone to talk to about different things, or give your nasty, briny olives to (and vice versa) when you’ve plucked them from your salad, creates good differences in a relationship so that it doesn’t get boring.
Do you think soulmates exist and if they do, does free will exist?
That depends on how you would define a soulmate. I like to think of soulmates as people who you were meant to find and share your life with. (Also note that soulmates aren’t just romantic! Your friends and family can also be your soulmates.) Some people think of soulmates in a religious context, people that were predetermined by some higher power to be with you before you were born. Other people think that soulmates are people that you choose to share your life with and that we’re in total control of who those people are. I couldn’t tell you who’s right, but I can say that just because you have a connection with someone, that doesn’t mean that you’ll be together forever. People come into your life in seasons. Some people are there for all of them, and some people are only there for a few. So whether or not your soulmate is predetermined, I can’t say. But I can say that you do have a choice in when they are and aren’t present in your life. (Then again, it may have been predetermined that I would write all of that and there is absolutely no free will.)
Should you say “Happy Valentine’s Day to a “situationship”?
No way. If they don’t say anything, you shouldn’t either. If you say “Happy Valentine’s Day,” you might be turning something unserious into something that the other person doesn’t want. Now, if they say it to you, you should probably say it back, because you’re a polite person. Just don’t accidentally then tell them you love them.
Should I date a crazy person?
If you are crazy too then you can date a crazy person because two crazy people cancel out (that’s just algebra). If not, protect your peace. However, there are many levels of crazy. If you have heard of Gypsy Rose, if your bae is out here committing crimes, I think it’s best to MOVE ON. If your bae is just a little bit crazy and doing things such as liking very old posts on your Instagram or talking to your friends about you, that is simply just someone who’s obsessed with you, so I say go for it!
What do you do if you spill spaghetti sauce all over your outfit on a first date? What’s the next move?
You have two options: either to cry and leave or boss up and own up to it. Consider spilling more sauce and call it a fashion statement by being a trendsetter.
What should be the timeline of a relationship?
One thing to remember is that the timeline of a relationship depends on the two people in it. Don’t try and follow other couples if they’re going really fast or slow. Figure out what feels comfortable for both of you and go at your own pace. Make sure you both understand what the other needs, and then you can make your own timeline! Just be sure not to travel backwards on the timeline because as the movie Back to the Future reminds us, terribly awkward things can happen.
How should I handle an awkward double date?
If you and your partner go on an awkward double date, do your best to make it fun for the two of y’all. Focus on enjoying yourselves! Whether you’re out shopping, at dinner, or doing an activity, if you and your date are having fun, the other couple will too.
If you and your friend are going on a double date with two new people, then do the same! Have fun with your friend but (obviously) include the other people. Try asking questions about them to get to know them better, and you might find some common ground to talk about! You’ll also potentially have more people willing to take your unwanted olives.
Worse comes to worst… say you left the oven on and get out of there.
How to find a guy that’s not a total brick?
It really depends on where you’re looking for said guy. Obviously, if you go to Home Depot or Lowe’s, you’ll find a lot of bricks. In all seriousness, if you want to find a quality guy, you need to look for him in an environment that you would want to be in. If his friends are “bricks” then there’s a high chance that he is too. (Unless he’s the secretly sensitive bad boy who has been waiting his whole life for you to rescue him from his goofball friends.) ) And don’t be scared to look outside of your bubble! Just because he doesn’t go to your school or isn’t in your friend group, it does not mean that there isn’t a possibility for a connection!
How to slide in?
First of all, confidence is key. Whip out the triangle theory (more math! Geometry this time!) which entails staring at their eyes, then their lips, then back at their eyes. This will make the person you are trying to slide in fall to the floor down bad. Another way to slide in is with technology. This tactic is for people who are not confident in person. Through Snapchat and texting you can slide in smoothly. Some examples are hitting your bae with the “Merry Christmas,” “Happy Tortilla Chip Day,” or “Happy Birthday.” These are subtle ways to start a convo with your bae and slide in without scaring them away. Another way to slide in is to send a flic of you and one of your friends to your bae. In this flic you can caption it “Group Hangout”? This makes the situation less scary because your friend will be with you when you slide in with your bae. Good luck and stay strong soldiers.
What’s the best way to start talking to a girl that you’ve talked to previously but as a friend? What are some ways to make conversations not boring? What’s the common opinion about dating in different grades? What are good and bad signs a girl could give if she was interested or not? How do you start talking to a girl from another school who’s in the same grade as you? My friends and I are just genuinely curious about these things.
Firstly, you and your friends are not alone in wondering about all of these things. Part of the reason why so many of us have these questions is because none of them are things that can be hacked.
But here are our quick takes on your five great questions:
If you want to start talking to someone who thinks you see them as a friend, you need to make your intentions clear. Drop hints where you can, subtly flirt, or maybe even sit down with her and say, “I like you.” I know all of those things are scary, but if you really like someone, it’s worth it to put yourself out there. If not, you’ll never know if she feels it too, and that uncertainty will probably complicate your relationship anyway.
Boring conversation is always awkward, but the only way out of it is through. Don’t force it, but keep trying to make it work. “So, how’s your school year going?” “What did you think of the school play?” “What did you do over *insert break here*?” All of these questions are good bases for building up good conversation. It’s also important to remember that having a conversation with someone you like and have probably never talked to before is always difficult, so don’t sweat it! If all else fails, bring up religion and politics!
Typically, a grade gap of 2+ years is considered too much, but at the same time, every relationship is different. Not all people in the same grade or age group are at the same maturity level, so not every relationship will be the same. Try to feel out your relationship if you can before approaching the dating zone, so that you immediately rush into something that’s already majorly complicated. And we all know that grade level doesn’t always correlate with maturity.
Generally, if someone is interested in you, regardless of gender, they’ll find ways to be around you and talk to you. If someone shows up at your soccer game when they are completely uninterested in sports, chances are they came there for one specific reason. Now, for girls specifically, we can also be a bit more subtle with our hints. Typically, we like to make sure we look our absolute best whenever we’re around someone we like. Body language is also important. Pay attention to the stance we take around you. If we lean into your space, that most likely means that we are (literally and emotionally) trying to get closer to you. Another good test of body language is seeing if we look at you when we laugh. Most times, the first person we look at when we laugh is the person we’re most comfortable with and the one we want to be around. While all of these are good tips, try not to get in your head about looking for these signs. They are important, but not everyone flirts in the same way, so just feel it out naturally.
The great thing about talking to someone at another school is that you don’t have to worry about the stress of how you come off every day when you see them. Having the space between you makes so much of the talking stage easier, and helps whisk away a great deal of anxiety. Try to show up at that school’s events if you can. If you have a friend who goes there, find a reason to tag along with them wherever your crush may be. Remember: you’re not talking to a classmate, this is just a friend that you’re interested in, so don’t try to treat it like you’re dating one.
After answering all of these questions, I can confidently agree with Ms. Parker when she said that we make love infinitely too complicated. The most important thing in any relationship is that you’re having fun and enjoying the experience. If not, then you completely missed the point. So just enjoy the feelings you have, spend time with the people you care about, and remember to have fun!
Signed, your simultaneously unqualified and brilliant advice givers!
