By Mr. Newman
When I came across senior Brendan Pitfield at the bottom of the stairwell in the parking deck before today’s late start, I had my suspicions about why he was holding a large folding table.
I managed to get three words into my question “Is that for…” when he answered, “Yeah, fantasy football.”
A week earlier, he’d walked on stage at our morning meeting in his role as Ultra carrying two large weights because he’d come in last in his fantasy football league.
So, staring at the folded-up table, I wondered aloud if this time he was going to have to carry the table around all day. Ms. Hooker was not a fan of the weights on stage, so I could only imagine how she would feel about him lugging an eight-foot folding table through the hallways.
But no.
“Lemonade stand,” he said, and for a moment I was completely lost. Then he unfolded the table and pointed to the bags of cups and Simply Lemonade on the ground at his feet. He explained he had to set up a lemonade stand right there at the deck and sell $30 of lemonade. (When I brought this up in class a few hours later, only Gunnar Taylor said he’d bought a cup.)
Brendan and I chatted for another five minutes or so about his experiences with fantasy football, the creative process of coming up with punishments with his friends, and the question of whether administrators and teachers might benefit from that kind of creativity when enforcing Lovett rules.
(BTW, I ran into Brendan after school, so read through to the end to find out how he did!)
Here’s a taste of our early-morning conversation…
Why are you doing this?
Brendan: Because I suck at fantasy football.
How would you define sucking at fantasy football?
Brendan: Picking the worst team. I took Pacheco in the first round. He got hurt.
How long have you done fantasy football?
It’s my first year in the league.
Have you always been a football fan?
College football. I don’t know anything about the NFL.
Ah, okay. So were you concerned going into this, you might find yourself someday selling lemonade at the school?
Brendan: I think I was overconfident that I wouldn’t be doing this and that’s what made me end up in this situation.
How does this punishment compare to some of the other punishments? What else have you seen?
Well, last week I also lost and I had to carry around the dumbbells.
Oh, the dumbbells!
Brendan: Right, right. I think I got two of the worst ones. It’s better than one of ’em. I have to walk to school. I’m not going to lose again. I’m determined.
Okay. All well, what do you think you’ll do differently?
I made some trades. I started cooking. Yeah, I’m not going to lose again. I’m confident.
Now have there been any, have you gotten any talking tos, like when you had the weights?
Brendan: I got in trouble with Ms. Hooker for that, for getting on stage with them.
Did she explain to you why you were in trouble? What did she say?
Brendan: That that is a place for no fantasy football or senior assassin punishments. And [the stage] is a space only to promote athletics.
Speaking of senior assassins, are you still involved?
Brendan: Yeah. I’m not that into that game.
Did you get knocked out or are you still in?
Brendan: No, I’m still in. No one’s trying to get me yet.
Okay. Alright. Do you watch NFL Football? Are you able to watch games and see how you’re doing, do you know in advance how you’re going to do or is it all computerized?
Brendan: It’s on my phone. ESPN Fantasy.
So it’s not like you have to do the math and keep track of all the numbers. It’s all done for you.
Brendan: Yes, sir.
What if you were not to do the punishment?
Brendan: If you don’t do it, I think you’re kind of, I dunno, bad friends.
Okay. Alright. Alright. That’s fair. That’s fair.
Brendan: I think it’s bro code to do it.
And who comes up with the punishments?
Brendan: Collectively? We came up with them in advance. There’s a big list of ’em and then we spin a wheel each week.
Did you guys come up with the list or did you go on the internet and be like, what are some good fantasy football punishments?
Brendan: We came up with most of ’em. Yeah.
So what’s the worst one on the list?
Brendan: I don’t know. There’s some bad ones. The winner of the league gets to choose when the loser at any random point the entire week has to take a math section of the ACT.
Just sit there and do it?
Brendan: Yeah.
That’s funny. You guys are so creative.
Brendan: You got to walk to school from West Paces is one of ’em. The first week I didn’t lose, but you couldn’t have a backpack for the whole week, so you had to carry around all your stuff. One of ‘em was you have to run a 5K at lunch, then go to your next class in your sweaty uniform.
Do you think it’d be good if the school would adopt some of the punishments you guys have for consequences for things that students do at school?
Brendan: Oh, I think there’d be a lot less rule-breaking.
Okay, good luck.
Brendan: Sure you don’t want some? I’ll give you a free glass of lemonade if you want one.
When I ran into Brendan on my way out of school, he proudly told me he’d raised the necessary funds and then some. He said it took him an hour and ten minutes to get to thirty sales.
It was slow at first–after all, he’d set up around 7:45–but things picked up as students arrived. Some paid in cash, some Venmo’d him, and one person gave him a Waffle House gift card with $25 on it.
Depending on your point of view on waffles and hash browns, you could argue that although he lost, he won.
