By: Audrey Lutz & Zoe Robinson (and a few others…)
You asked the questions and we’re here to give you the most unqualified love advice. Many of you are entirely blind to love; after reading this article, you will be labeled a love expert.
According to the survey, many of you get your love advice from friends, TikTok, siblings, parents, and aunts. One person said that while it may be a little weird, they get their advice from their grandmother.
You said that some of the advice is good, but other times, well, it’s the worst thing ever. Sometimes, you don’t even try the advice given.
We, on the other hand, have gained much of our wisdom from history’s most famous love experts. i.e. Shakespeare, Sappho, Gossip Girl, TikTok, and your grandmother. We’ve also received some insight from two of our fellow Lovett love experts: seniors Amia Georges and Kai Hackney.
Some of our other sources are professional love advice givers. The column “Dear Abby ” comes to mind as a consistent source of openness and honesty since 1956. It was passed on from mother to daughter, and they’ve been trusted with some of humanity’s most common and sacred issues
Before we get into the UNqualified advice, we thought we’d share what we learned from Ms. Mehta, one of our wonderful counselors here in the Upper School.
She said that the best thing you can do is to trust who you are with and trust yourself. High school relationships are tricky and you should feel comfortable with your partner. “Focus on your strengths and listen to your insecurities,” Ms. Mehta said. Yes, you heard that correctly. Contrary to popular opinion, we do need to listen to our insecurities sometimes. Insecurities are something we all have and something we all have to deal with, but sometimes the best thing to do for yourself is to listen to your insecurities.
According to Ms. Mehta, the truth is, we’re not perfect just the way we are. We’re all beautiful and flawed works in progress, and acknowledging that is crucial to becoming the best versions of ourselves. This message is especially important to hear now when we’re all trying to figure out who we are.
The fact is, some of the things you don’t like about yourself may be worthy of change. “If I’m insecure because I think I’m bossy, then maybe I should try and listen to other people more, you know?” she said.
Finally, she said that you don’t want to attract someone who likes you for someone you are pretending to be, you want to be with someone who likes you for you! Right now you have to look out for yourself, you are the #1 priority and should never put someone else first or try to make someone else happy at the expense of your own.
Now, before we start hurling our wisdom at you, we wanted to give you our UN qualifications. At the moment, neither of us is in a relationship (which is totally by our own choice) and we’re only in the ninth grade. We’ve both had to live vicariously through Rory Gilmore.
But enough of that, let’s answer some of your questions. Happiness awaits!
How to get a guy to not cheat on you?
First of all, there isn’t really anything you can do to not get cheated on… except when you first start the relationship, put him at gunpoint, and make him promise to never break your heart. However, if you’re not planning on getting arrested, there’s really nothing you can do. You’re not the cheater and you can’t control the actions of the cheater. However, one big thing you can do is communicate with your partner and define the relationship. Defining the relationship is when you and your partner have a chat about what you both want, whether it be an open relationship, closed, romantic, friendship, etc. If you both think the relationship is defined in different ways then a disaster is waiting to happen. If you do get cheated on, know that it’s not your fault. Know your worth and be confident in who you are. If your significant other cheats on you, you shouldn’t be with him in the first place. #DUMPHIM
How to cope with being cheated on?
Hmmm. So many questions about cheating. A lot of heartbreakers out there. So. If someone cheats on you, try to understand that this feeling is not forever. Even though it hurts, know that you are not in the wrong, and it’s not your fault. Try to not attack the partner that cheated and the person your partner cheated with. After being cheated on try to focus on yourself before setting forth into the dating world again. Healing takes time, so give yourself all the time you need. There’s no rush or allotted amount of time for you to move on.
How to get someone to like you?
Put yourself out there! Make yourself known! Talk to them! If you have a class with them, try to sit next to them and engage in conversation. You can flirt with them or just be friendly. Ways to flirt: stare at them, never break eye contact. People love that and won’t think you are creepy at all! The biggest thing to do if you like someone is to just make yourself known to them. You can also put effort into your appearance. If you look like you haven’t showered in a week, you look like you’ve just been mangled by a mountain lion, or look like you’d rather be walking your fish, then they most likely won’t want to marry you (or even just get some fries at Chick-fil-a).
How do you start a relationship?
Starting a relationship 101: Communicate, communicate, and oh, communicate! Make sure both you and your partner are on the same wavelength. (We recommend the visible light spectrum of 700-400 nanometers. Makes it easier to see their expressions.) If you both are thinking different things then the relationship will go in two different directions. It’s like placing a ravenous lion next to a baby kitten. Respect yourself but also respect your partner. If they’re new to relationships then take it slow. You’re not obligated to rush into anything and being hesitant is entirely normal. The one thing to do is to keep the past in the past; don’t compare your new partner to old ones, and don’t compare yourself to anyone else. Even if this isn’t your first relationship, everything will still be new because you’re with someone new. You should 100% have standards and boundaries set with every relationship, but also give this new relationship a chance to feel itself out. See how you guys work together and don’t expect relationships to be one-size-fits-all.
What are some good gifts to get girls and boys?
Girls: Perfume and candles are amazing things to get girls, we love to smell nice. Not every girl likes jewelry but if your girlfriend likes that, then 100% get them a bracelet, necklace, ring, or earrings. Preferably from Gucci or Cartier. Flowers! Flowers are sentimental and a very sweet gesture. You can pick them up from Bora Bora after school. You can also give them chocolates and some pictures of you both. Sentimental is always a good route to go. If you truly don’t know what to get them, then just ask. Asking is so much better than getting something they don’t want and stressing over whether or not they’ll like it. And sometimes, the fact that you cared enough to ask at all is its own gift!
Boys: Cologne, again boys also like to smell nice. Chocolates and candies, a sweet treat is always a safe option to get them. Sweatpants and hoodies are a go-to for a men’s closet, it is also a go-to gift for you; so you can steal them. A good place to get hoodies is Louis Vuitton. If he plays sports or has hobbies then get him something related to that. Guys will sometimes prefer fun gifts over practical gifts, such as a life-size robot dinosaur. Even if your boyfriend is Lactose intolerant he might LOVE a milkshake-a-month gift card. Sentimental gifts are good. Maybe a photo collage of the two of you at fun places around Atlanta? We recommend -Chuck E-cheese (everyone likes getting something sentimental at the prize counter). But if you don’t know what to get just ask!
Why do women never give easy hints about anything?
We are a little biased as we are women writing this, but women tend to be less direct. Men will say what they want and will be extremely forward. As for women, we are not as direct so we will drop hints that we think are noticeable but to men might not be. Communication is huge. If you can’t understand your girlfriend then have a chat with her. Talk to her about what confuses you and what you need. She most likely just wants you to get her a pet dog.
These are just some of the questions you asked and we hope the advice given will be helpful to you and your future relationships. Try to put yourself out there, but make sure to take time for yourself. You are amazing and don’t need a partner to make you feel better about who you are. Love is an exciting thing, but also wayyyyy too complicated, for people who aren’t love experts (unlike us, obviously).
Congratulations! We now passed on our expertise to you, but we still know more than you. We are the teachers, you are our students (who know nothing). You KINDA now know something about love, taught to you by two completely unqualified love experts.
And here are a few more answers from other unqualified OnLion staffers…
Is it a good idea to tell my friends about a crush I have?
(answered by Leah Cox)
I could answer this question very simply by saying yes, but I’ve never been the person to answer a question without adding a bit of sauce.
I feel the real question here is: do you trust your friends? If the answer is yes, then you already know the answer to your original question. If the answer to that question is unsure or a blunt no, then you have some things to carefully consider—or reconsider.
When you trust your friends, there’s little need to hesitate before telling them your secrets. If there’s a foundation of trust, all you have to do is build upon it—and you can do so by telling your friends about your crush. If you don’t feel there’s a foundation of trust, you might want to begin by telling them trivial things that might help to build trust. I mean if you’re feeling really risky, you might even build trust by telling them about your secret crush.
If you’re worried that your friends might not like your crush, or see what you see in them, don’t worry. Just make a joke out of it.
Overall, just try not to worry when you tell your friends about your crush. If your friends are truly your friends, they should love the authentic you. Lastly, just advise them that you’re feeling nervous about telling them something really private. Starting off with a statement like that should indicate to your friends that you’re nervous and they should be accepting.
How do I get a guy to have the “courage” [actual word changed] to ask me out?
(answered by Olivia Janis)
I have quite a few amazing guy friends, but not a boyfriend. What’s one thing to do to influence guys to want to be more than just friends?
First and foremost, this predicament is an easy fix. If you already have men in your life, it’s just a bit of a lengthy process to change their friendship to a relationship. Don’t stress because Olivia Janis can do the rest.
The best way to see if he’s interested at all is to voyage to Mr. Nasrallah’s class and test out y’all’s chemistry. Pass that test and we can continue with the plan. In other words, identify the little things and the way he treats you. Does he stand out from your other guy friends?
Once this question is successfully answered and you can almost definitely agree that the guy has a wee bit of interest in you, we can move on to step two.
Step two involves a little bit of boldness. You’re about to recreate Moses parting the Red Sea. You’re about to end your friendship to jumpstart a new romantic relationship.
Hopefully, you know how to flirt, because now you just have to finesse your way into his heart. Start complimenting him more, show a lot more interest in his life, NEVER talk about other guys with him, and start copying his vernacular (because that is actually a sign of being interested).
Lastly, it is important to understand that people do things on their own time, so if he takes a bit of a while to muster up the courage just be patient..
Shalom, I hope everything works out and my advice works.
How do you get guys to like you if you’re average looking but not ugly and don’t want to reach out too much or be the one to start things?
(answered by Taylor Johnson)
Have you ever looked in the mirror and gotten upset? Have you ever thought that you are never going to find a boo thang because you are average looking? Have you ever thought that the only way you can pull men is if you are Bella Hadid? Have you ever thought that you have no rizz?
Well don’t fear Taylor is here. The first thing I did when I saw this question on the google form was look it up on Wikihow. If you don’t know, Wikihow is a website that answers any question you could ever think of. I found lots of answers for average-looking guys looking for a bae, but nothing for average-looking girls with the same issues.
Most of the articles suggested that if an average-looking guy wants to pull he needs to have a major glow-up. This is a solution but requires lots of effort and many issues could occur during the glow-up journey.
I decided that an average-looking girl that wants a bae needs to do 3 simple tasks. Any girl in the world can do these tasks all the way from the girls in my newspaper class to Israelies in the motherland.
The first task is to have an astronomical personality. This includes having a diverse personality that everyone enjoys.
Having a good personality includes having an incredible sense of humor, being kind, and making everyone wish they were you. Having these key qualities catches people’s attention. Especially the male species.
Next task is to be confident. Being confident includes expanding out to people you would have never thought of talking to you. This could generate new opportunities to talk to baes and possibly have one develop some feelings for you.
Another way to be confident is not caring what others think and pretending you are the main character. It doesn’t matter what other people think about you, it only matters what you think about yourself. If you convince yourself that you can pull any man you want, guess what…you very much can.
I know I told y’all to be confident, but please do not get too excited and become overconfident. Being overconfident will make people majorly upset and annoyed with you. Men will zoom away from you.
The last task you need to complete in order to reach your goal of pulling men is to yolo. For some readers who might not comprehend what yolo means, it means you only live once. This indicates that everyone should live every day to the fullest because we only get one chance to live this life.
If you find a guy that you have some interest in, you should shoot your shot and yolo. This could mean snapping him and being like let’s hang out sometime. You could write on a gum wrapper do you like me. Then have two boxes, one that says yes and one that says no. Just kidding, please do not do that.
But seriously, shoot your shot. It doesn’t matter if you think you’re average-looking, miracles happen. Looks aren’t the only thing that catches men’s attention. Men could whip their head around and take a look at you if you’re confident and have an astronomical personality.
If you complete my 3 simple tasks I have given you, I am confident that men will be breaking their necks to look at you and talk to you because you’re anything but average.
