Getting Ready For One Less Bird In The Nest

By Megha Lakha

Every time I argue with my brother or complain about him, my mom says: “You’re going to miss him when he goes to college.” Yeah, I realize that, but thanks for saying it for the fifth time this week. 

My brother is graduating this year. In fact, he just decided that he’s attending the McCombs School of Business at UT Austin next fall. I’m genuinely happy for him, but Texas is far. I only have one sibling, which means once he’s gone, I’ll practically be an only child until I graduate. I always knew he would have to leave at some point, but I never realized it would happen so fast. I swear it was only yesterday that I was a little sixth grader and he was a ninth grader, starting at the Upper School.

Whenever I thought about him graduating and going to college, I always thought it would be nice to finally feel like an only child, and I was secretly excited. But last year I started thinking about him leaving more and more. Once he goes, I’ll be next, and things will never be like how they are now. I think about all the other people who have had older siblings leave for college, so if they can get through it I can too, right? But, it will be a huge change. I seriously can’t imagine the first day of school without my brother by my side. For my entire life, there has never been a single first day of school where he hasn’t been there with me, standing for my mom’s first day of school picture.

People always said being the youngest is the best and I used to agree. I felt lucky to be the youngest child because I thought I would feel less pressured and have someone to follow. But being the youngest sucks for a bunch of reasons. There is a lot of pressure that I put on myself to live up to my brother. And, it also sucks because I’ll have to be alone for the rest of high school. My brother had me there for all of his high school experience (I may have annoyed him, but still it’s not fair).

I was talking to Keya Nijhawan, who happens to be in my Newspaper class, about this topic. She explained that her older brother is at Tufts, so the bar for her is set super high. I’ve also heard from other students who get sad just thinking about their older siblings leaving for college. I do too. 

In an article in The Washington Post titled, “Empty nest sadness isn’t just for parents: Siblings feel pain and loneliness, too“, Sarah Grundle, a clinical psychologist in New York City says, “Siblings go through a transition when the oldest leaves. Grundle explains that the middle sibling may now have to step into the role of the oldest sibling, or the youngest sibling might be the only child left at home. When siblings leave for college the fundamental roles are altered. I don’t want my role to be altered. I like my role as a little sister, I like hearing my brother’s funny jokes at the dinner table, and I like having someone to guide me, who’s living in my house and not in Texas. I’m not ready for it to change.

On New Year’s Eve, I was really out of sorts because I realized I would only have five more months of school with him and about 8-ish more months with him living in our house. It suddenly hit me that the house we have lived in for 8 years wouldn’t be his home anymore. He’d be somewhere else and he would never be moving back home (at least not permanently).

So, how can younger siblings deal with the grief and sadness that comes with older siblings leaving? According to the Post article, l, you should face it together. Without a doubt, older siblings are probably struggling with some type of sadness or worry. The best thing you can do is talk about it with each other. Another thing is scheduling time to call each other, so you can catch up every once in a while. And for younger siblings- try to get into a new routine and get used to your older sibling being away. Adjust and with time, things will be okay.

And if you’re arguing with them, maybe tell yourself: “You’re going to miss them when they leave for college.”