By Valeria Benitez
Talking. That has to be one of the worst stages during a relationship.
“How was your day?”
“What’s your favorite color?”
“What did you do today?”
They’re the last person you text before you fall asleep and the first person you hope to hear from when you wake up. You get butterflies when you see them in the hallways, and you don’t know if you’re oversharing… or not sharing enough.
So much can happen during the talking stage. You’re still getting to know each other, trying to figure out their personality, their humor, and their intentions, all while desperately trying not to give (or get) the ick. Maybe both of you are talking to other people at the same time, or maybe you don’t even know what your relationship stands as.
That’s the thing about the talking stage: nothing is clear.
You never really know you’re in it until you start going on dates, texting constantly, or calling each other more often. Until then, everything feels like a guessing game.
How do I know if I’m in the talking stage?
Some people (like my friends) think they’re in a talking stage just because of eye contact and small glimpses in the hallway. Personally, I don’t think that qualifies. To me, a talking stage means actual effort. You, well, talk regularly, and there’s interest on both sides.
It’s when the conversations go from “what’s your favorite color?” to “what are you scared of?” or “what do you want your future to look like?” It’s not a relationship, but it’s nothing either. It’s that exciting/confusing space in between.
What qualifies as a talking stage?
A talking stage usually includes:
- Consistent communication (text or calling at least once a day)
- Mutual interest (not a one-sided delusion, even if sometimes it turns out that way)
- Flirting, even if it’s subtle (complimenting a smile or their basketball shot…or even a “mean” flirt, like saying “I did so much better than you on this test.”)
- Getting to know each other emotionally, not just casually (going beyond quick-add on Snapchat)
- A sense that something could happen (holding eye contact just a bit longer…)
There’s no label, no commitment, and no guarantee, just potential.
And sometimes, that’s the scariest part because you don’t know where your relationship stands.
How do you leave the talking stage with someone you’ve never met in person? (I know I struggle with this one.)
This is where it gets complicated. When you’ve never met face-to-face, it’s easy to build an idea of someone rather than knowing who they truly are. Sometimes people make a version of the person they like without even speaking to them in person. Leaving the talking stage usually means one of two things:
- You meet in person and see if the connection is real.
- You communicate honestly. If you want to continue, you go on more dates. If you don’t, be respectful enough not to lead them on, or like many of my friends, just a quick unadd on Snapchat.
Curious about talking stages, I asked Bridget, who was sitting next to me, to tell me her worst talking stages and dates she’s been on. Expecting to only receive one, she instead gave me a whole bunch, which will keep you entertained.
“One time I went on a date to a movie theater, and I paid for everything, including the movie ticket.”
Another talking stage date she mentioned was actually with me on this double date, where she told me that the guy said he hoped his card didn’t decline because he had spent all of his money on Crash Royale. Spoiler alert, it didn’t decline, but instead he ordered butter pasta from the kids’ menu in order to have enough money to pay for both of their meals. Keep in mind, before this, they were going to take us to Cross Creek, but they didn’t make a reservation, so it got really full, and we had to go to White Hall sports bar, while we were in nice clothes.
She also mentioned how, by far, her worst date was when she went to the Braves game on a date, and he said he got them game tickets, but they were standing room tickets.
Yet another time she mentioned, which was more recently on a date with a talking stage, they went to Jenis, and “all my friends showed up and made it awkward” (yes, I was one of those friends). I asked her if she had a best talking stage, and she said “I wish I had one,” but then added that “Actually, the talking stage with the guy from Jenis was good, but it was y’all [our friends] who ruined and inflicted it.”
I asked her (and Maiya who was sitting with us) what the best part of a talking stage is: “The chase is the best part,” they both agreed.
Maiya added, “Talking stages are nice because you have a fixed idea in your head and you don’t know any cons about the person yet, so that’s why it’s nice.” But the worst part has got to be “When they start hinting at dating.”
I asked her for stories, but she just told me she would tell me them “off the record, but they can’t go here.”
Seeing Lane through the window of the newspaper, roaming the halls instead of being in AP GOV, I asked her about her worst talking stage. “When he brought me to Roswell road, and we went to the tennis court,” and for the best talking stage, well, “There’s not one…”
And while it’s confusing, awkward, and emotionally exhausting, it’s also the stage where hope exists the most. Many of my friends consider talking stages more fun than actual dating. Because anything could still happen. So maybe it’s not the worst stage after all. After all, we are still in high school, and not all of us have to (or want to) show up in the Couples Corner in the OnLion Valentine’s Day issue.
