By Leah Cox
What if the Beyhive stopped asking for “the visuals” and started investigating foreign and domestic terrorism? What if Swifties stopped searching for Easter eggs and started collecting vital information on scientific developments abroad to safeguard national security?
People like to hate on fandoms but rarely consider that (most) stans have some pretty valuable skills that might be useful to government agencies like the FBI/CIA (and any other related agency that exist but doesn’t really “exist”).
Celebrities like Beyonce, Taylor Swift, Nicki Minaj, BTS, Timothée Chalamet, and Rihanna may have inadvertently recruited the next generation of FBI/CIA agents.
This idea came to me after watching a series of TikTok videos under #swiftie, #swifttok, and #1989tveastereggs. I scrolled through tons of videos of Taylor Swift fans searching for Easter eggs in recent paparazzi photos, the “Bejeweled” music video, and Taylor Nation Instagram post captions.
It was overwhelming to say the least, but before criticizing the crazed fans, I decided to actually watch the content (whether 30 seconds or 7 minutes and 42 seconds). What I discovered gave me an alternate perspective of the swiftdom, a group of stans who sometimes receive harsh internet “takes” and insults.
I’m just going to come out and say it: swifties could be future agents. They have the attention to detail, technological expertise, patience, and “safeguard” mentality that agents require. I then applied this logic to other celebrity fandoms: Beyhive, BTS Army, Barbz, Navy, and Daydreamers (which I only recently became aware is the name of Adele’s fanbase).
But perhaps I’d lost my mind. So I decided to run my idea by some peers.
So, what celebrity are you a fan of?
Zora Payne: Beyonce!
Zora is a HUGE fan of Beyonce. She’s been a fan of the singer and entertainer for as long as she can remember. I interviewed Zora on a bench in the Community Center. As soon as the question, “Why do you like Beyonce?” escaped from my mouth, Zora changed her body position from a relaxed slouched posture to an upright and ready posture. It was obvious that she could answer this question for hours on end—maybe even without taking a break to breathe (perhaps an important skill in international espionage that could involve underwater adventures?).
Zora explained, “Okay, well I like Beyonce because she IS the music industry. She’s made strides for Black women in performing arts. And she’s also just really talented in everything that she does. Beyonce is better than everyone else in her field, so I think that’s a good enough reason.”
Christine Lee: I really like a K-pop girl group called Le Sserafim.
Kennedy Campbell: Well…I’m currently a fan of THE Aubrey Graham, aka Drake.
Coi Kilcrease: Um, I’m a fan of Frank Ocean, Brent Faiyaz, SZA, and Bryson Tiller.
And can you tell me the name of your celebrity’s fandom?
Zora: Beehive.
Christine: Our fandom is called Fearnots.
Kennedy: I’m part of Team Drizzy. (She said this with a laugh, which then made me laugh, because “Drizzy” is such an interesting way to define oneself.)
Coi: Wait, I’m also a fan of Megan Thee Stallion. So I guess that makes me a Hottie.
Tell me more about why you like [celebrity name]?
Christine: (Her answer was simple and straightforward.) I like their music and their dances.
Kennedy: I like Drake because of his song variety. He has every song that you’d ever want. I like how he’s evolved as an artist. His first albums used to be R&B, but now on his new album, “For All The Dogs,” he’s more hip hop.
Coi: Frank Ocean just really speaks to me. He’s just so beautiful and eloquent. I don’t know. He’s there for every car ride home and every sad moment. If you have an emotion, he has a song about it. Coi then proceeded to play a 2-second clip of the Frank Ocean song called “Nice”.
And their fandoms? How crazy are they? How involved are they?
Zora: Well, the Beehive is complex because they’re very supportive…but you’re not going to get a lot of those people heavily involved in online things. (Zora said this in comparison to Swifties, who might be the most active fanbase.) I’m part of a Beehive community on Twitter, however, when it comes to things like online voting (especially for awards that require “the people’s choice”), the Beehive never votes. There’s also the fact that the Beehive heavily consists of older people. But it’s still a pretty big community. I wouldn’t say they’re nicer than most communities…” (Zora added one caveat at the end of her sentence) “…except for when you say bad things about Beyonce. But you shouldn’t be doing that anyway.”
Christine: Umm, I think that Fearnots is pretty chill. Actually, “chill” is relative in terms of K-pop communities. I know how crazy those can be. (My mind rewinds to the BTS TikTok edits that sometimes pop up on my For You Page. Christine’s right, they can be crazy obsessed.) In terms of voting, I’m honestly not really sure. They’ve won a couple of awards at music shows, but I don’t think it’s as hardcore as, say, BTS Army or Blink (Blackpink’s fandom).
Kennedy: (While the others talked about how fandoms interact with their respective celebrity, Kennedy discussed how Drake interacts with Team Drizzy.) YES. Drake shows his personality online and in concert. (Kennedy mentioned a trend that Drake has been participating in with his fans while on stage at concerts. I’m not sure if I can mention it in this newspaper, so I’ll leave you to ponder (or look it up). After a concert, he was giving out free shoes. All you had to do was scan a QR code.
Coi: (In reference to Frank Ocean.) No. Frank Ocean does not do a good job. The man deserves his space. Right now he’s grieving the loss of his younger brother. Grief doesn’t have a time limit. Megan Thee Stallion does a great job interacting with her fans. She loves the crowd.
Can you imagine people in the fandom being FBI/CIA agents?
Zora, Christine, Kennedy, and Coi all looked at me crazy when I asked this question. It’s definitely a random question, but I wanted to know if my realization was just me, or if this is a common thought.
Zora: I think so actually because Beyonce is really secretive. She doesn’t really do interviews, yet we still know a lot about her—and it’s because of her fans—and a lot about her backup dancers. One of her backup dancers now has been “exposed” for fathering 37 children. (Which he denies.) We wouldn’t have that information if the Hive hadn’t gone out of their way to investigate.
Also, think about Beyonce in the elevator with Jay-Z and Solange (known as Elevatorgate). The person who got the footage for that did a lot of investigating. You know what I’m saying? Yeah, they probably could be part of the FBI.
Christine: I mean, the K-pop general community is known for those weird stalkerish tendencies. (Christine practically died of laughter as she said this.) But I think the Fearnots are pretty chill. There haven’t been any major stories about fans being weird to them or anything like that. The singers maintain a pretty healthy relationship with the fans.
Christine’s statement made me think of another question, so I asked: Speaking of healthy relationships, what’s the craziest thing you’d do to meet your celebrity?
(I was hoping to catch the girls in a moment of obsession, but they didn’t take the bait. Well, Kennedy kind of did.)
Zora: I wouldn’t harass her because at some point I do plan on being one of her proteges. I don’t want to do anything crazy, but I think that I would work really hard. I would definitely work multiple jobs to meet her, but not anything crazy, stalkerish, or harassment-like because I feel like that’s too far. A lot of man-hours, though. My entire life if it took that.
Christine: Honestly, I like them, but I don’t like them like that. I feel like I would definitely work to get money for concert tickets. I’d pay good money to see them.
Kennedy: (Kennedy winced as she revealed her answer.) I’m trying to think of something that won’t sound so cringe. Umm…I’d offer to pay for his dinner.
Coi: If I meet him, I meet him. Nah, I’m just kidding. Hmm…I’d probably just send him an email. (Coi laughed as she said that. Relative to what some people would say on the internet, Coi’s “crazy” thing was actually really sweet.)
So, I think the consensus is that yes, fans could be FBI/CIA agents in training. They’re already doing the work. Instead of safeguarding national security, they’re trying to solve the mystery that is Drake and SZA’s relationship and coming up with theories based on Stray Kids music videos.
